[ That was one of the most maddening parts of it. That it had started so well. That it looked as though things might begin to return to something resembling normal between them. ]
We discussed everything that had been hanging in the air between us over the past few months, and it seemed like we might have cleared it away. She ... she admitted how difficult dealing with all of this has been.
[ She stopped there. Allowed that to sink in, because while she hadn't understood the depths of Kotone's pain ... clearly, she hadn't ... she knew how difficult it was for Kotone to allow herself to show anything past the cheerful, supportive exterior.
[ And thinking of that, considering what came next nearly brought her to tears. ]
I said that, if she ever wanted to discuss it, that I would be there to listen ... and that's when she told me that, when I asked, she had wanted to say yes ...
[ She'd ... she'd hoped that this would grow easier. That, by the time she arrived at this point, there would be some sort of momentum in her favor that would have eased some of the pain and shame that had kept her from talking about it up until now.
[ There wasn't. ]
I ... began to ask myself why she would mention this now. And ... [ She swallows. ] And what I had meant when I'd asked the question in the first place ... but when I asked her, she shied away from me. She said that bringing it up in the first place had been a mistake, and that it didn't matter.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-10-09 07:06 am (UTC)[ That was one of the most maddening parts of it. That it had started so well. That it looked as though things might begin to return to something resembling normal between them. ]
We discussed everything that had been hanging in the air between us over the past few months, and it seemed like we might have cleared it away. She ... she admitted how difficult dealing with all of this has been.
[ She stopped there. Allowed that to sink in, because while she hadn't understood the depths of Kotone's pain ... clearly, she hadn't ... she knew how difficult it was for Kotone to allow herself to show anything past the cheerful, supportive exterior.
[ And thinking of that, considering what came next nearly brought her to tears. ]
I said that, if she ever wanted to discuss it, that I would be there to listen ... and that's when she told me that, when I asked, she had wanted to say yes ...
[ She'd ... she'd hoped that this would grow easier. That, by the time she arrived at this point, there would be some sort of momentum in her favor that would have eased some of the pain and shame that had kept her from talking about it up until now.
[ There wasn't. ]
I ... began to ask myself why she would mention this now. And ... [ She swallows. ] And what I had meant when I'd asked the question in the first place ... but when I asked her, she shied away from me. She said that bringing it up in the first place had been a mistake, and that it didn't matter.
That she didn't matter ...