[ kotone all but melts herself from the affection and warmth of all of this. her arm stays firmly around mitsuru's waist, leaning into the contact from her co-leader as she pulls yukari a little closer as well. her eyes slip closed, breathing slowing as she tries to simply... relax. this sort of contact is more familiar with yukari, but it feels right with both of them. ]
I don't... really know what I want, [ she admits that at last, half against yukari's shoulder, ] but... she wouldn't want me to just sit and pine, would she?
[ kotone goes quiet, even as she opens her eyes again. the suggestion of what might come next still feels too big. ]
[ Just like Kotone, Mitsuru allows her eyes to drift shut once Yukari enters the embrace.
[ She says nothing. She simply savors the relief washing over her in waves, and the warmth of having them both within her arms.
[ When Kotone speaks, her eyes open but she doesn't speak in kind. At least not for a moment or two, while she digests what was said ... and what those words might imply. ]
I ...
[ She hesitates. Even though she agrees, doing so outright feels ... self-serving. Even though there's a flicker of hope within her, she doesn't want whatever advice she gives to be colored by the ... the romantic interest she harbors. ]
I certainly don't think she would want you to feel this alone ... or to isolate yourself.
[ She looks to Yukari. She's ... she's not sure what insight she's searching for, but Yukari always seems to figure out what needs to be said. ]
[ yukari looks back at mitsuru with wide eyes, eyebrows raised in mild surprise. the implications are...a lot. especially since they've all admitted there are feelings too intense for 'just friends' between the three of them.
regardless of the circumstances, the answer is obvious. ]
Mitsuru's right. [ yukari turns toward kotone, voice soft and kiss to her forehead even softer. ] Even if you aren't sure what you want or how to get it, she'd want you to be happy. Use this second chance to live the best life you can. Whatever that might look like.
[ she listens as mitsuru and yukari speak up, relaxing against them both. her eyes widen a fraction at the feeling of yukari's lips, but then...
she can't do this, some part of her still insists. even so... kotone silences that voice. she finally nods against yukari, and shifts her position, eyed slipping closed as she moves up to brush her lips against mitsuru's. talking about this is... hard, still nearly impossibly so, but she knows what she wants. her arm stays firmly around yukari as well, almost desperate to keep her close. ]
[ It ... it takes Mitsuru a moment to process what's happening.
[ She's tense at first. Not because it's unpleasant -- far, far from it -- she's just ... she's never kissed anyone before, and having this come at the end of everything that's been between them ...
[ It's overwhelming. Enough to leave her frozen in place for a solid second or two before this ... this warmth floods through her. Relief and elation sweep aside everything else and Mitsuru leans into the kiss, closing her eyes and pressing her lips against Kotone's - gentle, but not because of any shyness or trepidation. Her first kiss is with someone she loves ... one of the two people that mean more to her than anything ... she wants to savor that.
[ Throughout the kiss, though, she doesn't release her hold on Yukari either. If anything, her grip gets just a little tighter.
[ She knows what she wants, and that's why, whenever she and Kotone eventually break that kiss, after spending a few moments staring into Kotone's eyes, her gaze moves to Yukari. That's why she leans in close, shuts her eyes, and kisses her, too. ]
[ kotone kissing mitsuru is...fine. better than fine. they look good together, and they have so much to offer each other. more patience, more kindness, more--everything. so why won't they let her go?
when their kiss finally ends, her eyes meets mitsuru's and....
oh. oh, yukari knows what that look means. a dozen questions race through her mind (her; since when; oh my god is this real) before mitsuru's lips are on hers and are quickly answered (yes, yukari with all that entails; since who knows; this is very real). her eyes flutter shut as she deepens the kiss, surprised at how non-surprised she is to discover that kissing mitsuru feels just as natural as kissing kotone. instead, the idea that she's wanted by them both settles in, makes itself at home in her head and her heart as if it's always belonged there.
maybe it has.
she only pulls away when the lack of air begins to make her dizzy, pupils wide and breaths hard. yukari looks to kotone, yet doesn't lean forward to kiss her first. she wants to so, so badly, but.... the memory of the last time she did so still weighs heavy. ]
[ kotone deepens the kiss with mitsuru before she has the chance to pull away, shaking slightly as the reality of the situation begins to set in. still, she wants this. she wants them, wherever that leads. she meets mitsuru's eyes for those moments after the kiss, flashing a little breathless smile towards her.
then she sees mitsuru kiss yukari, and it feels... right. they might not have come together so immediately as she and yukari had, but mitsuru had grown close to both of them around the same time.
her heart aches at the wariness with which yukari looks to her in turn, at her fear to kiss her after what had happened last time. so kotone moves closer instead, pressing her lips to yukari's and parting them slightly, letting her fingers weave into her hair. ]
[ last time started as a purely selfish desire on her part. even if kotone kissed her back, that didn't change the fact she'd thrust it upon her with no warning. this moment, however, is a choice. yukari would rather it be a decision made on equal footing.
she sinks into the kiss with an audible sigh of relief, any remaining tension in her shoulders melting away as she leans into the touch. yukari's kissed her before, but she didn't do it right. so she tries again, all of the desperate longing from before replaced with gentle want. and she'll try again tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. as many times as it takes for it to sink in that each of them have safe harbors in each other now.
when she pulls away, she looks from kotone to mitsuru with bright eyes and a shy smile. she can be outspoken, recklessly so, but.... for once, she's speechless. ]
[ She'll see those same bright eyes and shy smile echoed on Mitsuru's face.
[ Words don't come immediately. How could they? She'd entered this situation hoping to salvage a friendship with someone that she loved, but bracing herself for the worst. In her wildest dreams, she never could have predicted this outcome. Rooted in tradition as her upbringing was, it would have never even entered her mind as possibility if it hadn't simply happened.
[ In spite of that it felt ... natural. Right. Seeing Yukari and Kotone kiss had been as easy as it had been to kiss them herself, and had filled her with the same warmth, too.
[ She wanted to kiss each of them again. To utterly lose herself in them, at least for a little while.
[ Before she does, though, something needs to be said. ]
Whatever this means ...
[ She believes she knows what it means. Even she isn't so mystified by the particulars of romance to be blind to the implications of a passionate kiss. ]
Whatever the nature of our relationship is after tonight, this rift between us formed because we were afraid to speak honestly with each other. We don't need to discuss everything tonight, or tomorrow, or any time in the immediate future ... but from this point forward, we can't allow those fears to prevent us from supporting each other, or relying on each other.
[ She shifts a little between them, disentangling her arms so that she can caress Yukari's cheek with one hand and Kotone's with the other. ]
I don't want to imagine my life without both of you by my side, and I don't think I could live with myself knowing that my action or inaction drove you away.
[ yukari may not have done it right the first time. but kotone, despite everything, wants to try again. and again, and again, and again. her heart, traitorous as it is, feels... full, as she relaxes into the kiss, playing with a lock of yukari's hair.
when yukari finally pulls away, she meets her eyes, huffing a little laugh as she nudges against her. kotone stays that way until mitsuru begins to speak up, attention shifting towards her.
right. this still isn't... simple, even with how it feels. kotone glances down, trying to put her thoughts in order, but then she feels mitsuru's hand on her cheek. ]
... You're right. And I've... we've all wasted too much time, just feeling sorry for ourselves again. Just... [ kotone takes a breath. one, two. lets it out. ] ... I want this, but I'm still afraid. That when we go back, I'll...
[ she doesn't know how to put this in a way that will make sense, beyond a fear that whatever mechanism they might be able to use to return home when the work is done won't let her bypass that. to put into words what she suspects her actions in forming the seal truly were.
even so, she curls forward slightly against mitsuru, leaning her head on her shoulder. ]
[ The seal, the Velvet Room, the contract ... it's all beyond Mitsuru's understanding of Kotone's circumstances. Perhaps, one day, they'd be able to talk through it all, but Mitsuru doesn't need to know everything to understand the end result that Kotone fears.
[ ... she's scared of it, too. Terrified.
[ She removes her hand from Yukari's cheek, briefly glancing in the other girl's direction as though asking for her leave to focus all of her attention on Kotone. When her focus shifts back to Kotone, Mitsuru cups her cheeks with both hands.
[ She leans in and kisses Kotone again. Her lips part as she allows the slow, gentle kiss to grow deeper and deeper, pouring every ounce of affection and warmth that she can muster into it until, finally, the need for air forces her to pull back. Even then, she doesn't move far. Just far enough that she can look Kotone in the eyes. ]
Whatever happens when our mission here comes to an end ... I've already allowed this -- allowed us -- to slip through my fingers once before, and I'm not going to let that happen again.
kotone welcomes the kiss, pushing herself up to meet her moment for moment. she parts her lips, granting mitsuru access until she finally pulls back, and slowly draws in a deep, shaky breath herself.
she meets mitsuru's eyes silently when she moves to look at her, face flushed and eyes wide. ]
... Okay. Then... I'm not going anywhere. [ her gaze shifts to yukari in turn, as if that goes just as much for her. ]
[ yukari wordlessly nods at mitsuru's questioning look, and she moves in to embrace the both of them once she moves away to hold kotone's face. as if she needs to ask if focusing on her is okay right now.
although the finer details of everything kotone has been through remain a mystery, she knows its outcome. she's seen it, as well, in the form of a yellow-eyed girl in the mirror who speaks of contracts with impossible terms and high prices. a cipher who believes they're a cipher (nothing, nobody, no one) despite everything pointing to the contrary.
and god, she's terrified of what might come after this. if she lost either of them.... the grief might finally eat her alive. but all she can do is have faith that they'll stay, and faith in herself that she can stand her ground in the face of fear.
her love will be stronger.
yukari kisses kotone on the cheek and rests her head on mitsuru's shoulder, holding onto to each of them as tightly as she can. ]
Good. 'cause neither of us are leaving without you.
[ Mitsuru nodded at Yukari's words, leaning into her just a little, drawing comfort from her presence and support. ]
You've been there for us through the darkest times of our lives ... we want to stand by your side, too. To show you that same love and kindness and support. For as long as you'll have us.
[ Her voice stays even, but her lip trembles slightly as the raw, unrestrained emotion of that confession threatens to overwhelm her.
[ Mitsuru doesn't often allow herself to want things. She puts her responsibilities over her personal desires almost without exception -- to the point that it isn't always healthy.
[ the feeling of yukari's lips comes as a comfort, as does her response. even so, it's impossible to miss that word when mitsuru says it.
it isn't a surprise. and she isn't saying it in so many words. even so... kotone stills for a moment, keeping both of them close, before nodding. she's still afraid that it might not be up to them, that this second chance will be snatched away from her as if it never came at all, but— ]
... Thanks. Both of you. [ it's quiet, but her voice does waver a touch. for once, she's all but speechless. ]
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I don't... really know what I want, [ she admits that at last, half against yukari's shoulder, ] but... she wouldn't want me to just sit and pine, would she?
[ kotone goes quiet, even as she opens her eyes again. the suggestion of what might come next still feels too big. ]
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[ She says nothing. She simply savors the relief washing over her in waves, and the warmth of having them both within her arms.
[ When Kotone speaks, her eyes open but she doesn't speak in kind. At least not for a moment or two, while she digests what was said ... and what those words might imply. ]
I ...
[ She hesitates. Even though she agrees, doing so outright feels ... self-serving. Even though there's a flicker of hope within her, she doesn't want whatever advice she gives to be colored by the ... the romantic interest she harbors. ]
I certainly don't think she would want you to feel this alone ... or to isolate yourself.
[ She looks to Yukari. She's ... she's not sure what insight she's searching for, but Yukari always seems to figure out what needs to be said. ]
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regardless of the circumstances, the answer is obvious. ]
Mitsuru's right. [ yukari turns toward kotone, voice soft and kiss to her forehead even softer. ] Even if you aren't sure what you want or how to get it, she'd want you to be happy. Use this second chance to live the best life you can. Whatever that might look like.
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she can't do this, some part of her still insists. even so... kotone silences that voice. she finally nods against yukari, and shifts her position, eyed slipping closed as she moves up to brush her lips against mitsuru's. talking about this is... hard, still nearly impossibly so, but she knows what she wants. her arm stays firmly around yukari as well, almost desperate to keep her close. ]
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[ She's tense at first. Not because it's unpleasant -- far, far from it -- she's just ... she's never kissed anyone before, and having this come at the end of everything that's been between them ...
[ It's overwhelming. Enough to leave her frozen in place for a solid second or two before this ... this warmth floods through her. Relief and elation sweep aside everything else and Mitsuru leans into the kiss, closing her eyes and pressing her lips against Kotone's - gentle, but not because of any shyness or trepidation. Her first kiss is with someone she loves ... one of the two people that mean more to her than anything ... she wants to savor that.
[ Throughout the kiss, though, she doesn't release her hold on Yukari either. If anything, her grip gets just a little tighter.
[ She knows what she wants, and that's why, whenever she and Kotone eventually break that kiss, after spending a few moments staring into Kotone's eyes, her gaze moves to Yukari. That's why she leans in close, shuts her eyes, and kisses her, too. ]
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when their kiss finally ends, her eyes meets mitsuru's and....
oh. oh, yukari knows what that look means. a dozen questions race through her mind (her; since when; oh my god is this real) before mitsuru's lips are on hers and are quickly answered (yes, yukari with all that entails; since who knows; this is very real). her eyes flutter shut as she deepens the kiss, surprised at how non-surprised she is to discover that kissing mitsuru feels just as natural as kissing kotone. instead, the idea that she's wanted by them both settles in, makes itself at home in her head and her heart as if it's always belonged there.
maybe it has.
she only pulls away when the lack of air begins to make her dizzy, pupils wide and breaths hard. yukari looks to kotone, yet doesn't lean forward to kiss her first. she wants to so, so badly, but.... the memory of the last time she did so still weighs heavy. ]
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then she sees mitsuru kiss yukari, and it feels... right. they might not have come together so immediately as she and yukari had, but mitsuru had grown close to both of them around the same time.
her heart aches at the wariness with which yukari looks to her in turn, at her fear to kiss her after what had happened last time. so kotone moves closer instead, pressing her lips to yukari's and parting them slightly, letting her fingers weave into her hair. ]
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she sinks into the kiss with an audible sigh of relief, any remaining tension in her shoulders melting away as she leans into the touch. yukari's kissed her before, but she didn't do it right. so she tries again, all of the desperate longing from before replaced with gentle want. and she'll try again tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. as many times as it takes for it to sink in that each of them have safe harbors in each other now.
when she pulls away, she looks from kotone to mitsuru with bright eyes and a shy smile. she can be outspoken, recklessly so, but.... for once, she's speechless. ]
no subject
[ Words don't come immediately. How could they? She'd entered this situation hoping to salvage a friendship with someone that she loved, but bracing herself for the worst. In her wildest dreams, she never could have predicted this outcome. Rooted in tradition as her upbringing was, it would have never even entered her mind as possibility if it hadn't simply happened.
[ In spite of that it felt ... natural. Right. Seeing Yukari and Kotone kiss had been as easy as it had been to kiss them herself, and had filled her with the same warmth, too.
[ She wanted to kiss each of them again. To utterly lose herself in them, at least for a little while.
[ Before she does, though, something needs to be said. ]
Whatever this means ...
[ She believes she knows what it means. Even she isn't so mystified by the particulars of romance to be blind to the implications of a passionate kiss. ]
Whatever the nature of our relationship is after tonight, this rift between us formed because we were afraid to speak honestly with each other. We don't need to discuss everything tonight, or tomorrow, or any time in the immediate future ... but from this point forward, we can't allow those fears to prevent us from supporting each other, or relying on each other.
[ She shifts a little between them, disentangling her arms so that she can caress Yukari's cheek with one hand and Kotone's with the other. ]
I don't want to imagine my life without both of you by my side, and I don't think I could live with myself knowing that my action or inaction drove you away.
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when yukari finally pulls away, she meets her eyes, huffing a little laugh as she nudges against her. kotone stays that way until mitsuru begins to speak up, attention shifting towards her.
right. this still isn't... simple, even with how it feels. kotone glances down, trying to put her thoughts in order, but then she feels mitsuru's hand on her cheek. ]
... You're right. And I've... we've all wasted too much time, just feeling sorry for ourselves again. Just... [ kotone takes a breath. one, two. lets it out. ] ... I want this, but I'm still afraid. That when we go back, I'll...
[ she doesn't know how to put this in a way that will make sense, beyond a fear that whatever mechanism they might be able to use to return home when the work is done won't let her bypass that. to put into words what she suspects her actions in forming the seal truly were.
even so, she curls forward slightly against mitsuru, leaning her head on her shoulder. ]
... But I can't let that stop me. Not anymore.
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[ ... she's scared of it, too. Terrified.
[ She removes her hand from Yukari's cheek, briefly glancing in the other girl's direction as though asking for her leave to focus all of her attention on Kotone. When her focus shifts back to Kotone, Mitsuru cups her cheeks with both hands.
[ She leans in and kisses Kotone again. Her lips part as she allows the slow, gentle kiss to grow deeper and deeper, pouring every ounce of affection and warmth that she can muster into it until, finally, the need for air forces her to pull back. Even then, she doesn't move far. Just far enough that she can look Kotone in the eyes. ]
Whatever happens when our mission here comes to an end ... I've already allowed this -- allowed us -- to slip through my fingers once before, and I'm not going to let that happen again.
I won't let you go.
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kotone welcomes the kiss, pushing herself up to meet her moment for moment. she parts her lips, granting mitsuru access until she finally pulls back, and slowly draws in a deep, shaky breath herself.
she meets mitsuru's eyes silently when she moves to look at her, face flushed and eyes wide. ]
... Okay. Then... I'm not going anywhere. [ her gaze shifts to yukari in turn, as if that goes just as much for her. ]
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although the finer details of everything kotone has been through remain a mystery, she knows its outcome. she's seen it, as well, in the form of a yellow-eyed girl in the mirror who speaks of contracts with impossible terms and high prices. a cipher who believes they're a cipher (nothing, nobody, no one) despite everything pointing to the contrary.
and god, she's terrified of what might come after this. if she lost either of them.... the grief might finally eat her alive. but all she can do is have faith that they'll stay, and faith in herself that she can stand her ground in the face of fear.
her love will be stronger.
yukari kisses kotone on the cheek and rests her head on mitsuru's shoulder, holding onto to each of them as tightly as she can. ]
Good. 'cause neither of us are leaving without you.
no subject
You've been there for us through the darkest times of our lives ... we want to stand by your side, too. To show you that same love and kindness and support. For as long as you'll have us.
[ Her voice stays even, but her lip trembles slightly as the raw, unrestrained emotion of that confession threatens to overwhelm her.
[ Mitsuru doesn't often allow herself to want things. She puts her responsibilities over her personal desires almost without exception -- to the point that it isn't always healthy.
[ She wants this.
[ She wants them. ]
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it isn't a surprise. and she isn't saying it in so many words. even so... kotone stills for a moment, keeping both of them close, before nodding. she's still afraid that it might not be up to them, that this second chance will be snatched away from her as if it never came at all, but— ]
... Thanks. Both of you. [ it's quiet, but her voice does waver a touch. for once, she's all but speechless. ]