I know that now, but it still felt ... wrong to even think about it given everything that was going on at the time.
[ Assuming greater responsibility within the Kirijo Group after her father's death, the Dark Hour persisting beyond the event that was supposed to end it, Nyx being revealed as the true threat ... It all seemed so much bigger than her, and whatever she might want. So much so that wanting those things in the first place felt childish.
[ She still felt that way sometimes, despite her best efforts. ]
I tried to set it aside, but I kept finding reminders of that desire everywhere that I looked. Books in the library, travel advertisements ... Kotone and I, we ... the day that she met my fiancé, we were seeing a movie together. The film itself wasn't anything special - a typical roadtrip movie - but the story and characters resonated with me.
[ She begins to toy with a lock of her hair - uncomfortably winding it around one of her fingers. pulling it taut, and then winding it back up again. ]
The main character sacrificed everything to simply go on a trip with his friends, and when the film ended, I couldn't stop wondering whether or not he was happy with that decision. Kotone and I discussed it, and as we did, I started to become annoyed with myself.
[ Her voice began to grow tighter. ]
All that I did was complain ... for all my talk about responsibility, I was so unhappy with my own, and I didn't even have the courage to run if that was what I truly wanted to do.
I told Kotone, and I ...
[ Her throat closed around the rest. Strangled the words before she could voice them. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-10-03 06:26 am (UTC)[ Assuming greater responsibility within the Kirijo Group after her father's death, the Dark Hour persisting beyond the event that was supposed to end it, Nyx being revealed as the true threat ... It all seemed so much bigger than her, and whatever she might want. So much so that wanting those things in the first place felt childish.
[ She still felt that way sometimes, despite her best efforts. ]
I tried to set it aside, but I kept finding reminders of that desire everywhere that I looked. Books in the library, travel advertisements ... Kotone and I, we ... the day that she met my fiancé, we were seeing a movie together. The film itself wasn't anything special - a typical roadtrip movie - but the story and characters resonated with me.
[ She begins to toy with a lock of her hair - uncomfortably winding it around one of her fingers. pulling it taut, and then winding it back up again. ]
The main character sacrificed everything to simply go on a trip with his friends, and when the film ended, I couldn't stop wondering whether or not he was happy with that decision. Kotone and I discussed it, and as we did, I started to become annoyed with myself.
[ Her voice began to grow tighter. ]
All that I did was complain ... for all my talk about responsibility, I was so unhappy with my own, and I didn't even have the courage to run if that was what I truly wanted to do.
I told Kotone, and I ...
[ Her throat closed around the rest. Strangled the words before she could voice them. ]